Updated: Feb 8
Many of you know I enjoy writing, but as easy as it should be for a writer to write, I’ve been shedding perfectionism, overwhelm, fatigue alot of days and a little bit of “I don’t feel like it.”
I love expressing myself but writing with the intent that someone will read my work and journaling for freedom and healing are different. Journaling has felt more safe because there’s no one to judge. As I started to heal more, it felt easier to return back to communicating.
I’ve been taking my time and not allowing peers, social media and my own insecurities to rush me. My focus has been on my holistic healing journey (which is a zigzag), studying trauma recovery, the nervous system, somatic healing and enjoying life. I’ve also been using what I’ve learned over these years not just as a means to have knowledge to “teach” but to use everything I’ve learned to deeply heal my mind, body and spirit. Healing, growing, smiling is my priority and it feels amazing to prioritize myself in a way that I’ve never experienced.
I have shared portions of my journey but I’m going to share more overtime. I like to share and show up when and where it feels good to me. I don’t live in a hamster wheel or with a sense of urgency. I do me, I flow.
Old patterns, fear of judgment and shame are things that survivors walk through just about everyday. No matter where you are in your healing process, there will be feelings that come up. You know you’ve done some good work when you start to embrace the stages of your recovery and grief. When you gain courage to face your stuff, you’re growing. You’ve done some inner healing when you become less reactive and judge yourself less.
Healing isn’t a quick fix of implemented self care tools but rather, it's a life long decision from the soul up.
I knew I was healing when I felt more compassion. Living in this space is really vulnerable but I feel alive and most aware here.
I was a bit clueless about the link between trauma, busyness, chronic illness and stress before Dermatomyositis. It hadn’t impacted my daily life so it was out of sight, out of mind. I had been so disembodied ( I’ll share more on this too) that it wasn’t until physical pain showed up that I began to wake up and become aware of what was going on in my emotional life. Let me be more clear, it was not the condition that woke me up. I couldn’t ignore my spirit and body any longer, it was trying to save me and so it spoke as loud as it could to prevent more harm. Spirit of God was leading me.
The learning and unlearning has been hard as hell, but also strangely beautiful. Healing is easy and hard. IYKYK. From day one of what the doctor said was “incurable,” I had decided I would reject all perspectives that did not align with my goal which has always been to heal. While I’m living a new lifestyle, meeting new people and having new experiences, healing looks like whatever it is in the moment. I fully embrace who I am today and who I am becoming.
We can't pressure ourselves into healing. Our bodies need no more pressure. There's a deep call to healing if you can get quiet enough to listen and shift.
Total healing takes space and time. Healing takes rest. You’d think we know this but in our actions, we often deny this truth. Rest has been my saving grace, and for me, there’s no better feeling than being safe. When you’ve lived in a space of scarcity, fear, self doubt and emotional brokenness, ease and calm can be scary. Feeling safe and getting to emotional freedom takes your cooperation, patience, grace and self compassion.
For years, I and many of you have learned to live in a hurry, compete with others, get this money and work, work, work. This lifestyle has proven to be unsustainable and unrealistic to be well. For me, this type of lifestyle exacerbated what was brewing on a cellular and emotional level. It wasn’t until I began to slow down, release worry, get still, rest and embrace my healing process (bad days and great ones) that I started to transform, awaken and heal.
In spite of chronic pain that I manage and the life adjustments I make to live fully, I love my new life. I feel change, even when healing hurts.
My skin has cleared from detoxing for the last year. I’m on the thinner side because I eat whole foods as medicine. I decided that my appetite would not have power over me. Meditation as a spiritual practice/discipline has taken me to depths of self acceptance and joy that I didn't know I was capable of experiencing. I’m intentionally healing everything.
Most importantly, I’ve come into a deep love for myself and life. My prayer is to exude light and share what feels good in this world that needs hope. My prayer is to help whomever crosses my path embrace holistic healing, to find your way to becoming emotionally free and to create a spirit led, abundant life that you love.
Do you think it's time for you to let go of some things so you can receive what you most need and desire? Is healing calling you? Many of you are ready to change but don't know where to start in your healing journey. Some of you are already in the process but want to break forward. Wherever you are, cheers to you for being in the process. We're in this together.
I want you to join me for guided mediation and breathwork. Come, get cozy and connect with yourself to enhance your well-being. Register here
XO- Alicia Christine